This is an article send by this 18 year old for the schoolscape page in Bhutan Times...its a marvelous piece and taught me a lotta stuff in life.
When I was younger, I could never understand why my parents slept in separate rooms. They barely spoke to each other and never went out together. Unlike other parents they never fought but mom used to cry alone in her room most of the time. I could never figure out what was wrong between them.
When I was nine years old, mom gave me her diary, I remember she said, “Read this and you will know the real me.” I never really thought about reading it for a long time as I used to always be busy with school.
A week after mom gave me her diary, mom died. Some said she killed herself, some said she was very ill and some said god loved her so he called her to him.
I was never really attached to mom; she never had time for me. She was always busy with her friends and her work. I would have missed dad more than mom. But I knew mom loved me a lot, she never showed it but then she really did love me. I remember mom used to come home late and I would pretend to be asleep. She would kiss me and say ‘I love you,’ but some how I could never understand why she didn’t show it.
After mom died, dad and I came here to the States, so far away from home. Far away from the place I loved. When I was leaving, I remember my grand parents told me that mom was a great person, with a good heart and someone who always thought and gave up a lot in life for me. I couldn’t believe it; I thought she never really cared.
A few months after dad and I reached our present home, I started to miss mom. I took out her diary and started to read it. I was shocked that instead of writing “Dear Diary,” she had written “Dear Yudruk.” I had no idea that she had dedicated her diary to me.
As I went through her diary, I realized that I had not known mom at all. She was a completely different person. Back home in Bhutan, I remember, mom used to tell me that the closest thing to her heart was her diary. When I was done reading her diary, I got the answers to all my questions.
Mom had married dad just to get me into this world. She was never in love with him and dad wasn’t as well. I was an accident which changed my parents’ lives into a mess. But I always thank them for never letting me know what they had to go through just to bring me into this world.
Mom sacrificed a lot for me; she gave up her studies, her glamorous life and her goals which she had been working on all her life, just for me.
Mom’s diary described her as someone who always knew what she wanted, someone who was smart and the charm of the family. She thought a lot about the others and always stood up for the truth. Mom was really beautiful, her eyes always said a lot about her and what she wanted to express. She had very expressive eyes.
A few months ago, we got a visitor from Bhutan who went to college with my parents. He told me that my mom was someone special, she was someone no one could dislike and he told me that even after mom is gone, people still look up to her as a great person.
When I asked dad about mom, he told me she was unhappy because she was married to him and he never wanted to make the effort to make their relationship work. He had asked her for a divorce but she refused because she didn’t want me to grow up in a family where the parents were divorced. He said mom was a really strong person.
I hated myself for thinking mom never had time for me. Today I am a very independent 18 years old, I read a lot and I already have my goals set for the future. I live for the moment; my past and my future do not worry me much. I am a young man with his own principles and I respect humanity.
I intend to go back to Bhutan and become a writer, I want to explore Bhutan. I believe in falling in love with just one person and to take life as it comes. I drink a lot of milk I the morning and never miss me meal. I go to bed by 10 in week days and party in the weekends. I smoke and I drink but do not do drugs. I have a wide circle of friends but I keep a few close ones.
My philosophy in life is, “I do not think of the past, it will never come into my life again. I do not worry about the future, who knows if there shall be one. I live for the present because this is all that I have got.” I have become exactly the person mom has always wanted me to be. She had made a list for me and my greatest achievement in life is being the person mom wanted me to be in my last teenage years. I shall be content with life when I have become the person that she wanted me to be till I took my last breath.
It is ironic, when you have fulfilled your mother’s last wishes, only to find out that she isn’t there with you to kiss you and say, “I am proud of you my son.” Mom I love you and I am proud of you.
Thank you for giving me a life and guiding me to become a person who is proud and in love with his life. If you were still alive, no man would have deserved you, not even dad. You would have been too good to be true.
Sonam Yudruk Tenzing
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